Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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