what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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