Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Screwed.edu
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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