I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
