I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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