I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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