What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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