Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
