Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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