I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
