Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
