we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
