Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
