i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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