I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
