Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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