Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
