? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
