the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
