when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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