so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
