I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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