dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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