I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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