She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
