i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
