My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
