he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm like, not good at living.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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