Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
