that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
