Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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