I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
