I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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