I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
