vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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