after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
