I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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