I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Congratulations! We have a period
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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