I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
