I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
