I wish my penis had an off switch
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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