I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
