we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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