I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
