I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
