I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
