I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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