I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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