Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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