I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
