I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She's JV to your varsity
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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