I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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