and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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