Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
