I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
