I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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