don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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