Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Randomize
