I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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