He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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