They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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