i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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