dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize