She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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