highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
