Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
