Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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