i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
