I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
