I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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