end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
