Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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