I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize